Best Playmates

Do you have sets of best friends at your house?  Our big girls have their share of disagreements, but they're inseparable.  That's how it is with Prince (5) and Queen (3).  They are the BEST of friends!  

Building castles!

Check out my old Star Wars figures!  This girl cracks me up!

Lucie loves her brother so much!

My husband took our oldest 3 kids skiing today.  After Prince went to school, I was home with just Lucie and Calvin.  Lucie and I had a lot of one on one time.  We made playdough and cookies and had a great time.  I asked Lucie if she wished that she were an only child and she said no.  She said she'd miss her kids, as she calls them.  I think that's pretty cool.

Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, and the Style of a Three Year Old

When I was 5 years old, I challenged my dad on the existence of Santa Claus and he admitted the truth.  My mom was not happy with him, being as I was their only child.  Similarly, I wanted to tell my kids early on about Santa, whereas my husband wanted to play along for a few years.  I tried hinting with Monk for years, but he was unswerving in his belief.  Finally, when he was 8 or 9 I couldn't take it any more.  I asked him point blank how he thought Santa could possibly make it to every house in the entire world in one night.  He rattled off something about the force and warp speed.  Thank you, Star Wars.  Next, I asked him how Santa could possibly squeeze down all those narrow chimneys.  Simple- he beamed down them, you know, teleportation.  Thank you, Star Trek.  After reminding him that both Star Wars and Star Trek are science FICTION, I had to resort to telling him straight out.  He did not take it well.  That evening his dad was trying to console him and said, "It's like with the Tooth Fairy..."  Monk got this stricken look on his face and said, "The TOOTH FAIRY?!"  Dad tried again with, "You know the Easter Bunny isn't real, right?"  Poor Monk.  With tears in his eyes he lamented, "Three in one night!"  Then and there, Big D and I decided that we couldn't let this ruse go on as long with the other children. 

She wore this tiara, shorts, and snow boots combo all day.

When I approached Twinkle Toes a few days later (she was 6 or 7), she took it well.  "I already knew that."  Maybe she takes after her momma.  The next year we let Measle in on the act and I've been very careful since then to never mislead the kids.  We don't rush to the mall to have their pictures made with Santa.  I don't talk about what Santa will bring them.  We don't write letters to the North Pole.  When Prince (5) and I were at the mall the other day, he saw a man in a Santa costume and looked like he wanted to go over to him.  Then he questioned, "You and dad buy my presents, right mom?"  I reassured him that he wasn't missing out on anything.  Then yesterday my parents treated us to the annual Santa's brunch at a local dinner club.  (The buffet is to die for!)  Every year we go and every year the kids see Santa and Mrs. Claus.  All my work is undone in an hour of seeing the "real" Santa! 

Gotta love those red shoes!  Perfect for playing ball!

As for the Tooth Fairy, I'm the worst, EVER.  Once, my husband left pixie dust when Measle lost a tooth.  That caused a lot of excitement.  Of course, I'm usually supposed to be the Tooth Fairy and I always forget.  When Monk and Twinkle Toes were little, I tried to play along.  I would palm some money and pretend to look everywhere for where the money could have fallen, before "finding" it to their joy.  Prince lost his first tooth the other day and he was so excited.  Of course, I forgot and the next morning when he mentioned it, I got some money out of my purse and gave it to him.  He took it in stride.  I did caution him not to tell any of his friends in school that I'm the Tooth Fairy.  He promised he wouldn't. 

A true Texan.  Boots and a gun complete any outfit.

Preparing the soil of our children's hearts to receive God's Word part 3: Giving them deep roots!

Am I the only one who starts a series, writes two posts and then forgets about it for 9 months?  Just checking.  I'm in the gospels again this week and was reminded of the parable of the sower and the implications it has for Christian parenting.

In parts one and two (which I wrote last April) I talked about cultivating tender, responsive hearts in our children and delighting in God's Word.  Tonight I want to talk about giving our children deep roots.

"Other seed fell on rocky ground, where they did not have much soil, and immediately they sprang up, since they had no depth of soil, but when the sun rose they were scorched.  And since they had no root, they withered away."  Mathew 13:5-6

And Christ's explanation:  "As for what was sown on rocky ground, this is the one who hears the word and immediately receives it with joy, yet he has no root in himself, but endures for a while, and when tribulation or persecution arises on account of the word, immediately he falls away."  Mathew 13:20-21

What does Jesus mean when He says, "they had no root"?  What kind of root is He talking about?  We know what it means in gardening.  A plant without roots will not receive the nourishment it needs from the soil.  A plant without roots will be blown about by the wind, rather than staying anchored to the life-giving soil.  The plant may appear healthy on the surface temporarily, but it will not grow and bear fruit once its root has been severed.  In the same way, a person who seems to receive the Word of God, but doesn't have a root, will not persevere.

This is the part of the post where I give you a disclaimer.  I am not a theologian.  I have not read any commentaries so I could be completely out there.  Read on at your own risk!

I think the "root" in question here refers to faith.  Well, not just any faith, but faith in God's promises, faith in the person and work of Christ.  Saving faith.  The kind of faith Abraham had that was counted as righteousness.  I'll give you two reasons.  First, according to the parable of the sower, the root is essential for the plant to bear fruit.  Second, according to the parable of the sower, the root is what anchors the plant so that it perseveres when conditions get harsh.

1.  Just as the root of a plant is essential for the plant's growth and nourishment that allows for it to bear fruit, so genuine faith in God's promises is essential for bearing spiritual fruit.  In both cases, no root equals no fruit.  And what is the fruit of faith?  Obedience.  Hebrews 11 repeats this testimony over and over again. 

"By faith Abel offered to God a more acceptable sacrifice than Cain...By faith Noah, being warned by God concerning events as yet unseen, in reverent fear constructed an ark for the saving of his household... By faith Abraham obeyed when he was called to go out to a place that he was to receive as an inheritance.... By faith he went to live in the land of promise... By faith Abraham, when he was tested, offered up Isaac... "  Hebrews 11: selected verses(emphasis mine)

Faith results in obedience.  Disobedience is in essence due to a lack of faith, a failure to believe that God's promises are true and better than the lure of sin.  (John Piper's books Faith in Future Grace and Battling Unbelief  Bible study caused a paradigm shift for me on this subject.)

"And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who seek Him."  Hebrews 11:6

Some might argue from Romans 11 that our "root" is Israel or the patriarchs.  They might be right.  I read a good book along the lines of our Hebrew roots.  I would counter that in Romans 11 Gentiles are the wild olive branch, Israel is the domesticated olive branch and the common root of both is faith.  Paul says in Galations that "those who are of faith are sons of Abraham."  (Galations 3:7) 

A better argument might be made that the root is actually Christ.  I can see this.  There are several verses in Isaiah that contrast the root of Jesse with the root of Satan.  (I did a word study on root.)  And then we have the vinedresser analogy that Christ uses to show that abiding in Him enables us to produce fruit.  Even so, without faith it is impossible to abide in Christ.  So maybe the distinction isn't too important for the purposes of applying this parable to Christian parenting. 

2.  The root supplies water to the plant which prevents it from whithering in the hot sun.  The root is also what enables the plant to stay fixed in place when winds blow.  So without the root, a plant cannot make it in harsh conditions.  In the same way, without faith in God, we cannot weather times of testing and tribulation.  

"But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.  For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways."  James 1:6-7

It is a lack of faith which makes a person unstable.  In this analogy, faith is what allows a person to stay the course in the midst of a storm, rather than being driven one way by one wave and the other direction by the next wave.  I think this is like being rooted in the parable of the sower.  It is faith in God that enables us to persevere under harsh conditions.  Faith is our lifeline when the sun scorches and the wind blows. 

Now, for the application.  If I'm right about faith being the root, the bad news is that we can't actually give our children a root of faith any more than we can give our children an arm or a leg.  But, the good news is we can give them the means of acquiring a life-giving root.  You know what's coming, don't you?  It always comes back to this.

"Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God."  Romans 10:17

I have to constantly remind myself that our homeschool will amount to nothing if we neglect time in God's Word.  Bible is not a "subject" in our homeschool.  We have to give our children God's Word when we're driving along in the car (CDs can help with this), as we're doing chores, at mealtime, when they get up in the morning, when they go to bed at night, at church, at home, during science, while correcting them, etc.  (Deut 6:5 my paraphrase)

And more good news is that we can also help strengthen or deepen our children's faith.  Many of us have children who already believe, but they are young in the faith.  We can help deepen those roots by discipling them in the Word and by praying for and with them.  This is not the job of our church staff or Sunday school teachers.  It's our job as parents.  Thankfully, there are many tools that exist to help us with this, but ultimately it comes down to making the committment (I'm talking to myself again).   

To get back to the parable of the sower- we plant the seeds and we water the seeds (give them the gospel).  I think we can also influence the type of soil the seeds fall on to some degree- how hard or soft our children's hearts are.  Only God can cause genuine faith to grow.  But certainly there are many ways a gardener continues to care for his plants, once they've begun to grow.  A good gardener may cover his plants when it's freezing or give shade when the sun bears down.  Parents protect and shelter the faith of their children so that it won't be damaged by the elements of our culture. 

"And whoever causes one of these little ones who believe to stumble, it would be better for him if, with a heavy millstone hung around his neck, he had been cast into the sea."  Mark 9:42

Pretty serious stuff.  God wants us to give Him godly offspring (Malachi 2:15).  We all know there's more to that than just giving birth.  We give birth to depraved sinners, granted they're cute, depraved sinners.  We must daily work in the garden of our children's hearts.  Fertilizing, hoeing, planting, watering, tending.  And pray that God will give the increase.

 

    

In Defense of Character Training

While our kids are not grown and the jury is still out on them, so to speak, I have a few thoughts I'd like to share on character training and why I'm all for it.  As believers of course we want to "train up our child in the way he should go so that when he's old he will not depart from it", but the question is what does that mean.  I think we would all agree it includes teaching them God's Word at every opportunity.  Memorizing Bible verses together, explaining the Scriptures to our children, and giving them the gospel, are all obviously important.  But what about character training?  Can you teach character?  Isn't that something that is better caught than taught we reasoned?  And our biggest fear was that we'd raise little pharisees who conform outwardly, but have hardened hearts.

We've decided in favor of character training for three reasons.  I'll share them and then the method we've chosen to employ and why.

1.  Our goal is not to train our children to behave, though I certainly wouldn't complain if that were a byproduct.  We teach character because we want to hold up God's righteous standard to our children at every possible turn. 

2.  The only honest reaction to God's righteous standard is the recognition of sin.  I know our culture thinks it's important to give our children self-esteem.  Our children already have self-esteem, we want them to see their sin (and ours, too).  No self-recognition of sin = no need for a Saviour.

3.  We want to emphasize God's grace, His mercy, His forgiveness, and His empowerment of believers to obey Him via the Holy Spirit.  I think I always come away more beat up from our character studies than my kids do.  It's the perfect opportunity to confess my failures to my children and to God and to pray that the Lord will change us all for our good and His glory.

My husband decided the way we should teach character traits is by linking each one back to one or more of the 10 commandments.  For one thing it's practical because our children already know the 10 commandments, whereas they're less familiar with the entirety of the law.  For another, the 10 commandments are a summary of God's law and the two commandments a summary of the ten.

This way whatever else we use (examples from nature, role playing, etc.) we always come back to God's law.   For instance, if we're studying loyalty, we talk about how loyalty is required to keep the 1st commandment (Worship God only) and the seventh (Do not commit adultery).  Some character traits such as obedience or responsibility may be more general and without them none of God's laws can be kept.  Even in those cases, we try to get as specific as possible.  For example, responsibility, doing what is expected of us, is necessary if we are to love our neighbor as ourselves (summary of the second table of the law).   The kids amaze me with how good they are at finding connections between character qualities and the 10 commandments.  It's our desire that by doing character training in this way, we will have humble children who have a realistic knowledge of God's perfect standard and some insight into the depths of their own sin.   It's our prayer that each of our children will gratefully accept God's grace in salvation and place their faith and trust in Christ.

 

Disclaimer:  On any given day one or more of our children exhibit gross breaches in character.  So do their parents.  If we were doing this to make our children into paragons of virtue, we'd be miserable failures.  Our confidence rests in God alone and His powerful Word that never returns void.

And yes, she did hit me with that snowball.

My Girls. Talkin' 'bout my girls.

I was a tomboy, so when we started our family I naturally assumed I wanted to have all boys. I admit to being a little disappointed the first time I learned Twinkle Toes, now 10, was a little girl. I didn't know anything about girls. I played football and rode bikes. I tortured frogs and built forts. I'm a scientist! But, the Lord has been gracious and given me THREE little girls. He has also been patient with me and little by little my girls are helping me to embrace femininity.  Aren't they just the cutest?

  All three of our girls are as different as they could possibly be, but they all have such larger than life personalities.  Twinkle Toes is our resident artist.  She's left-handed, extremely artistic and creative, and bit well, dramatic.  My theory is that the drama kind of goes with her artist's personality, so we embrace it : ).  Twinkle Toes is currently composing a piece of music for the piano to submit in the Texas state composition contest.  It sounds so great- I can't believe it's coming out of her mind!  Twinkle Toes is fiercely independent and competent to accomplish most anything she sets her mind to.  I'm so blessed to have her as my daughter!

Measle is 8 and in one of the middle positions in our family.  That's a tough place to be, but she's such a great little mother to her younger siblings.  She loves being Louie's big sister and sharing a room with her.  She loves bathing, dressing, and reading to her roommate.  (Sometime's Louie's more receptive than at other times : ).  Measle is a fast swimmer and is becoming a really good violinist.  She's taking part in a fiddle contest this weekend.  She likes to do everything fast!   We're especially enjoying reading Leading Little Ones to God together this year. 

Lucie just turned 3 and I've already told you lots about her.  I started blogging when Lucie was still a baby so you've seen evidence of her shenanigans.  I made the mistake of starting Lucie on mochas early in life.  Once when she was a toddler in the church nursery, she bent over to look through the window of a Little People dollhouse and shouted to the nursery worker, "Do you want a white mocha?"  She was months shy of two at that point.  Lucie is an absolute pro at drinking mochas in the car and often reminds me when it's hot to "take little sips."  Lucie sleeps with us and when she turned 3 I thought she might be ready to sleep in her room with her sister.  She held up her open hand and told me when she was 5.  Hmmm.  She totally cracked me up the other day when I saw her struggling with her baby, carseat, and diaper bag.  She's such a mom!
 

I love my boys, too, and will write about them in another post, but I'm SO grateful to God for blessing me with these sweet girls who love hanging out with their mom.  I never have to run errands, cook, shop, exercise, or do anything alone.  These three girls are ALWAYS up for some fun and they even manage to make our chores fun.  Thank you Lord, for the gift of little girls!

Review of Apologia's book How to Have a H.E.A.R.T. for your Kids by Rachael Carman

I was privileged to review the book How to Have a H.E.A.R.T. For Your Kids by Rachael Carman.

In summary, this is a book on  "bringing your children up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord" (Ephesians 6:4).  She takes a somewhat abstract concept and breaks it down into five biblical components of godly parenting.

H- Having a heart for the things of God.  It all starts with the parents.  How can you teach your children to "seek first the Kingdom of Heaven" if you aren't doing it yourself?  A wonderful reminder to show our children rather than just telling them to put God first.

E- Enriching your marriage.  Again, she gives not just abstract theology, but practical suggestions at how to respect and build up your husband.  A strong marriage is an important foundation for Christian parenting.

A- Accepting your kids.  I especially needed to read this chapter.  "We must seek God first when it comes to molding our children, or we will make the mistake of molding them inot our image instead of His.  We will try to make them inot what we want them to be for our pleasure and pride and not for the glory and praise of their heavenly Father." (How to Have a HEART for your Kids p. 108)  Ouch!  I needed this reminder to seek God's will for our children and then to step back and be able to recognize it when I see it, even when it differs from my preconceived ideas.

R- Releasing your children to God.  This chapter is all about our focus in training up our children.  Academics and profitable skills should take a back seat to the things of God.  Carman asserts that like Hannah in her training up Samuel for the purpose of working in God's tabernacle, all believers are called to raise up their kids to love, honor, and obey God.  "It doesn't matter if they grow up to become doctors or lawyers, mothers or nurses, accountants or diplomats, hairstylists or car dealers.  They are to be prepared to honor God in whatever they say and do."  (How to Have a HEART for your kids p. 127)   I understand this a little more each year we homeschool!  Our emphasis has definitely shifted over the years and for the better... on the Word of God and the supremecy of Christ!  And after all the prayers and training, sweat and tears, the day will come for us to let go and release our children to the Lord-- even if, or especially if it means allowing them to do something different for the Lord than what we had in mind.  Like going to the other side of the world to be a missionary.  Or not going to college.  Another tough chapter with many wonderful insights to glean for parenting your children with purpose.

T-  Teaching them the truth.  This chapter is really the "how to" of the previous one.  We can't train our children to seek first the kingdom of Heaven apart from saturating them with the Word of God.  There is no short-cut preparation for a life of service to the Lord.  Many of us homeschoolers claim Deuteronomy 6 as our mission statement, but how much time do we actually practice teaching our children God's Word?  This chapter encourages making His Word the foundation of your homeschool and gives practical suggestions on how to pull it off.

I'm happy to recommend this wonderful resource to you.  While written by a homeschooling mom, this book would be equally helpful for all Christian parents, regardless of how you choose to educate your children.

How to Have a HEART for your Kids by Rachael Carman is available for $13 from Apologia Press.  Other great resources for parents from Apologia Press include Educating the Wholehearted Child by Clay and Sally Clarkson and 7 Tools for Cultivating Your Child's Potential by Zan Tyler.

Please check out the other TOS crew reviews for How to Have a HEART for your Kids.

Disclaimer:  I recieved no compensation, other than a free copy of this book, for the writing of this review.  The contents of this review express my personal opinion of the book.

Another of the many reasons we homeschool.

There are many reasons to homeschool.  You can read some of the things we love about homeschooling on the homeschool tab at the top of my blog.  This is one of the biggies:  to foster close relationships between siblings.  I know that Twinkle Toes would love her baby brother even if she went to school all day long, but it's such a blessing for both of them that they get to spend the majority of each day together.  Twinkle Toes has been crocheting for... oh about 2 weeks now!  I took her to a local fabric and crafts store yesterday and the first thing she picked out was yarn for making a hat for Calvin.  You can tell she was pretty excited about it since she finished it already!

I think he's excited about it, too!  It may not be a flawlessly crocheted hat, she is a beginner after all, but it was made with love for her baby brother.  And that means the world to me!

It doesn't get much more rewarding than that!  Oh, and I have to ask you to turn up your volume for a minute and listen to Twinkle Toes' two newest recordings that I uploaded to my playlist.  What a talented girl!  But, what I love most about my sweet 10 year old daughter is not how competent in the kitchen she is, or how industrious she is when given a task to complete, but her precious heart.  This girl really does aim to please.  She loves the Lord and she loves her family.  What more can you ask of your child?!

When our expectations as parents are too low

Our firstborn son turned 12 this summer.  When I tell people I have a twelve year old there's this inevitable look and tone that says how sorry they are for me.  Those teen years are looming ahead!  Sometimes I'm not quick enough on my feet and fail to get across just what a blessing our son is to us and the kind of young man we fully expect him to continue growing into.  And what makes us think our son will continue growing into a godly man and not into a rebellious teenager over the next few years?

Timothy- "Let no one despise your youth, but be an example to the believers in word, in conduct, in love, in spirit, in faith, in purity."  1 Timothy 4:12

Daniel-  "...young men in whom there was no blemish, but good-looking, gifted in all wisdom, possessing knowledge and quick to understand, who had ability to serve..." Daniel 1:4  "But Daniel purposed in his heart that he would not defile himself..."  Daniel 1:8

Hananiah, Azariah, and Mishael- "Our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the fiery furnace, and He will deliver us from your hand, O king.  But if not, let it be known to you, O king, that we do not serve your gods, nor will we worship the gold image which you have set up."  Daniel 3:17-18

Josiah-  "Josiah was eight years old when he became king....  For in the eight year of his reign, while he was still young, he began to seek the God of his father David; and in the twelfth year he began to purge Judah and Jerusalem of the high places, the wooden images, the carved images, and the molded images."  2 Chronicles 34:1, 3

David-  "And Saul said to David, 'You are not able to go against this Philistine to fight with him; for you are a youth, and he a man of war from his youth.'"  "Moreover David said, 'The Lord, who delivered me from the paw of the lion and from the paw of the bear, He will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine.'"  1 Samuel 17:33, 37

Samuel-  "And the child Samuel grew in stature, and in favor both with the Lord and men." 1 Samuel 2:26  "So Samuel grew, and the Lord was with him and let none of his words fall to the ground."  1 Samuel 3:19

These young men were no different from our son.  They were all human, like our son.  They all had faith in God, like our son.  We have absolutely no reason to think that God will not continue working in our son, like He did in the biblical examples above. 

Sometimes our expectations as parents are too high.  Sometimes they're too low.  This is one of those times. 

Whose children are they?



Dancing to Vivaldi.

Parenting is hard.  Parenting with purpose is even harder.  Ours isn't the first anti-life, anti-child culture.  God condemned Judah for the same thing over 2,500 years ago.  They were sacrificing their children to the Ammonite god Molech.  We sacrifice our children to the idols of self and humanism, materialism and feminism, through abortion and abortifacient birth-control.  Our culture is divided over the issue of abortion with people lining up on either the pro-life or pro-choice side.  Some Christians welcome into their family as blessings as many children as the Lord gives them and others believe in planning their family size.  The following verses show that we've rather missed the point.

Moreover you took your sons and your daughters, whom you bore to Me, and these you sacrificed to them to be devoured.  Were your acts of harlotry a small matter, that you have slain My children and offered them up to them by causing them to pass through the fire?  Ezekiel 16:20-21

God didn't see Jerusalem's children as her own to do what she wanted with.  And He doesn't see ours that way either.  Our children are His children.  They're His whether we choose them or not and they're His whether we dedicate them to Him or not.  They're His whether we have two children or twelve.  They're His.   They were His when we bore them and they were His before the foundation of the world.


Queen's ice cream sandwhich face.

We are stewards of God's children.  This is our supreme purpose in parenting.  To take care of and train up God's children for His purposes.  It's a high calling and one we're utterly dependent upon God, His Spirit, His Word, and His grace to accomplish.

I have to confess to you that I think of my children as mine.  I thank the Lord for them, but at the essence of that thanks is that He's given them to me.  Reminding ourselves daily that our children are His, just like our finances are His, is the first step toward good stewardship.  And I long to someday hear from my Lord, "Well done, good and faithful servant."     

The Adventures Continue

Just in case you were under the impression that I have all my ducks in a row.

See that pacifier in her mouth?  I was admiring this precious post-nap scene until it occurred to me that I had never bought my little darling a baseball pacifier.  Why would I, right?  When I asked Queen (2) about it, she said she found it outside on the ground.  Great.

Then this morning I left my middle 4 kids home sleeping with daddy while Calvin and I took Monk to swim practice at 7 (it had been a long, tiring weekend for all).  I dropped him off, walked two miles, then swung by Braum's to buy milk.  When I walked in the door at 8 am this is what greeted me.

It's magic marker, in case you were wondering.

If you know me, and if you know Queen, then this shouldn't come as a surprise to you.  The reason I felt compelled to come clean share is because of a conversation I had with a woman at the swim meet in Oklahoma this weekend.  I started talking with a Christian lady who was so impressed and complimentary about my having 6 kids and homeschooling them.  She accused me of being a super mom.  I told her that wasn't even close to the truth.  Now I've officially set the record straight! 

Twinkle Toes didn't get to go to the meet at the last minute because of heat exhaustion.  It's been way over a hundred here daily and she was outside at camp all last week.  Then our swim meet got cut short when the sewer backed up at Oklahoma City Community College and there were thousands of people packed into an Aquatic Center with no usable restrooms.  Not good.  When we arrived home four hours later at 11:30 pm, our power was out and it was about 85 degrees, outside and in!  Big D said it had been out since 6, when it was 107.  Then yesterday Twinkle Toes ended up covered up with hives, head to toe.  Meanwhile, Calvin has another staph outbreak on his skin.  Never a dull moment!  You know what?  Having kids is an adventure, maybe the adventure of a lifetime.  I wouldn't miss it for the world!  I'm so grateful for these children the Lord has blessed us with and for the adventures they bring our way!

Training our girls in hospitality

Let me start this post by being completely honest.  Although my mom is the "hostess with the mostest", also affectionately known as Martha Stewart on crack, something got lost in translation when it came to passing on her gift of hospitality to me.  Maybe it's because I was a tomboy more likely to be found cleaning guns with my dad than helping in the kitchen.  Maybe it's because I spent so much time at swim practice.  Maybe it's because I was a spoiled only child.  Anyway, my mom set a great example, always opening our home to others and taking such pains to make her guests feel important and welcome.  I want to follow in my mom's footsteps and I'm determined to train my girls now so that they can help me be better prepared to practice hospitality when they grow up.

1.  Encourage them to play hospitality.


Measle working in her "kitchen".  She loves making mud pies, or mud casseroles, cakes, and loaves of bread in this case.



Queen at a local children's museum setting the "table" for supper.



Cooking over the hot fire.


2.  Let them help you.  This is easier said than done.  It takes a little planning to come up with age-appropriate jobs for each of your girls.  Once you add in the demonstration and oversight it may take more time to have them help you, but consider it an investment in their future and yours.


Twinkle Toes (10) buttered and garliced three loaves of french bread and sliced the carrots for the salad we're taking to church tonight.  You see she has a little "helper", as well.



Mealse (7) washed and separated two bags of grapes into bunches and washed and tore two heads of red leaf lettuce into pieces for the salad.  Measle and Twinkle Toes added the other ingredients to the salad and tossed it.  Measle is wearing an apron that has my name on it.  See, my mom really did try!



OK, Queen (2) was no help at all, but doesn't she look cute in her apron, which was also mine when I was a little girl by the way?!


3.  Praise them.  I'm so proud of my girls and they really did help me get the meal ready for church tonight.  I put the casseroles together last night, Smockity Frock's cavatini, and the girls helped me with the fruit, bread, and salad.  As a special reward I bought my little helpers mochas from a local coffee shop.  Twinkle Toes and Measle have both asked if they can help serve the meal at church tonight.  We usually have 50-60 turn out for supper and I try to take the meal a couple of times each summer.  Our wonderful church secretary usually slaves away in the kitchen all day on Wednesdays and is such a blessing to all of us.  Her cooking is much better than mine, but I wanted to give her a little break and thought it would be a wonderful training opportunity for my girls.  You know what?  My girls didn't even know they were being trained.  They've had fun!

Preparing the soil of our children's hearts to recieve God's Word part 2- Watering the seeds

I've been studying the parable of the soils and how it relates to parenting our children in such a way as to prepare their hearts to hear the Word of God.  Part 1 examined tilling the soil, but it's not enough to just soften their hearts. 

"Some fell on rock; and as soon as it sprang up, it withered away because it lacked moisture."  Luke 8:6

My husband bought a fancy tiller last year.  He's so proud of that machine and has tilled the heck out of our soil, but it doesn't matter how well-prepared the soil is to receive his vegetable seeds.  If my husband doesn't diligently water his garden, it will all dry up.  (Especially here in West Texas where rain is scarce.)

The same goes with our children.  We can strive to keep their hearts soft and tender to receive God's Word, but then fail to nurture the Word implanted.  We must "water" the seeds of their faith so that their faith will grow into a healthy plant.

The other way I water my children : ).

What is the water and where does it come from?

"Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor stands in the path of sinners, nor sits in the seat of the scornful; but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and in His law he meditates day and night.  He shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bring forth its fruit in its season, whose leaf also shall not whither; and whatever he does shall prosper.  The ungodly are not so, but are like chaff which the wind drives away.  Therefore the ungodly shall not stand in the judgement, nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous.  For the Lord knows the way of the righteous, but the way of the ungodly shall perish."  Psalm 1

According to Psalm 1 in order to be firmly planted by the water, we must delight in the law of the Lord and meditate on God's law day and night.  The key is delighting in God's Word.  The delight leads to the meditation and the meditation leads to being firmly planted.  The water is the Word.  And as we're watered by God's Word we become fruitful plants.

So the second principle is like the first, we must keep our children saturated in the Word of God so that they can become firmly planted and therefore bear spiritual fruit.



Sometimes our children enjoy being watered.

 

And sometimes they don't!



And sometimes they'd just as soon not get wet : ).


At this point, let me say something that might seem technical or a matter of semantics.  One way of thinking of salvation is in terms of it occurring in stages- past, present, and future.  The terms for these three stages or tenses of salvation are justification, sanctification, and glorification.  The thing is, they all depend upon our immersion in God's Word. 

"So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the Word of God."  Romans 10:17

This seems obvious, but the reason I want to separate out these tenses of salvation is because of the erroneous belief prevalent in many churches today that we can sort of set aside the Scriptures after we're justified and rely upon personal experience or extra-biblical communication from God for sanctification.  As if God uses one medium to impart faith and another to impart progressive holiness.  I'm afraid many parents have rejoiced prematurely over their children's faith only to be shocked later when their grown children walk away from church or even the faith completely.  The Bible is clear that all of our salvation, past, present, and future is conveyed to us through God's Word.

"For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord.  Walk as children of light (for the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness, righteousness, and truth), finding out what is acceptable to the Lord."  Ephesians 5:8-10

How do we find out what is acceptable to the Lord?  He tells us in His Word, of course.

"His divine power has given to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him who called us by glory and virtue, by which have been given to us exceedingly great and precious promises, that through these you may be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust."  2 Peter 1:3-4

Where do we find this knowledge of God and these great and precious promises?  In God's Word, of course.

"Therefore lay aside all filthiness and overlow of wickedness, and receive with meekness the implanted Word, which is able to save your souls.  But be doers of the Word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves."  James 1:21-22

Sanctification is nothing more than becoming doers of the Word.  And how do we do that?

"Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling; for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure."  Philippians 2:12-13

God supernaturally works in His children to enable them to obey His Word.

And why is obedience important again, seeing as how I'm saved by faith not works (Eph 2:8-9)?

"I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser.  Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit.  You are already clean because of the Word which I have spoken to you.  Abide in Me, and I in you.  As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me."  John 15:1-4

This passage brings us full circle back to the importance of watering and roots.  We cannot be obedient to God without abiding in Christ and we find Christ in His Word.  Can I even know Christ apart from God's Word? Is there any experience that can match or supercede the experience of Him in His Word?  For Christ is the Word! (John 1:1-14)

If we want our children to grow up into men and women of faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, we must give them a steady diet of the Word of God.  I'm not talking the average 6 minutes per week common amongst professing evangelicals.  We have to do better than that.  Our faith is nurtured by the Word.  1 Pet 2:2 says we should crave the Word of God like newborns crave milk.  My 5 month old would not be satisfied with 6 minutes per week of nursing and neither should we be satisfied with 6 minutes per week in God's Word.  John Piper has a saying when someone tells him they're just too busy to have a daily time in the Word.  Piper asks them, "Did you eat breakfast today?  Then you're not too busy."

Again, we cannot make our children trust Christ, only God can do that.  We cannot make them bear fruit, only God can do that.  But we can plant the seeds, and we can water them!

"Who then is Paul, and who is Apollos, but ministers through whom you believed, as the Lord gave to each one?  I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the increase."  1 Corin 3:5-6

We are those ministers to our children.  I have to constantly remind myself that the time my husband and I spend with our kids each day in the Bible is more important than their math lessons, more important than language arts, more important than their reading, and even more important than their chores.  As Christian parents, it could easily be argued that our main purpose in parenting our children is to pass on our faith to them (for what does it profit a man if he gain the whole world, but forfeit his soul? Mark 8:36).  The primary means we have of doing this is by reading, talking about, and living out the Word in our families each day (Deut 6:6).  We have to stop skimping on the main course!  If anything needs to be cut from our daily menu, it should be one of the sides, but not the main course!

The same Scriptures able to save our souls are able to mature us. 

"All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work."  2 Timothy 3:16

 God could have chosen any means to work in us, but He has chosen His Word.  His Spirit works in conjunction with, not apart from, His Word.  We cannot neglect to water the immature faith of our children with the Word of God.  There is no other way for their faith to grow!

Next time I'll talk about those pesky birds that try to devour the seeds we so painstakingly plant.    

Preparing the soil of our children's hearts to recieve God's Word part 1- Tilling their hearts

BigD after working in his garden.

Today I read the parable of the soils in Luke 8 (also in Mark 4 and Mathew 13) and thought it a wonderful reminder of what we can do to prepare our children's hearts to receive God's Word. It's true we cannot guarantee our children will place their faith in Christ and be saved, but I think according to this passage, there is much we can do.

"Some fell along the path..." Mark 4:4 "Some fell on rock..." Luke 8:6

The path where everyone walked was trampled often so it became packed down, too hard for seed to take root. The same goes for the rock.

We must try to keep our children's hearts soft and sensitive so that God's Word can take root and grow there.

My husband is gearing up for planting his garden in a few weeks and today he spent a couple of hours tilling up the soil and spreading his carefully conserved compost pile to make the soil loose and rich in minerals. He has to do this because we live in West Texas and NOTHING would grow if he didn't carefully prepare his soil.

How can we till the soil of our children's hearts?

Maybe the easiest way of looking at this is by seeing the contrast to the pharisees who were condemned for having hardened hearts. What made their hearts hard so that they could not recieve the Word? Pride, self-righteousness, legalism? Then we want to cultivate humility, compassion, and mercy in our children. Was their conscience seared? Then we want to help our children to keep a clear conscience. Were they liars, deceiving even themselves? Then we want to help our children establish the habit of honesty.

The blades of my husbands tiller are sharp and it's hard work tilling up the clay in the spot where he wants his vegetables to take root. It takes a lot of sweat and toil. Parenting can't be done in sound bites or status updates. It's laborious and time intensive. The soil of their hearts must be turned over and over and over again.

My husband also spends all year building his nutrient-rich compost pile to help soften and enrich the soil.

How can we soften and enrich our children's hearts?

By preventing bitterness, cultivating loving hearts, helping them to be sensitive to others. By modeling forgiveness for them and helping them to forgive others. By showing them grace as well as discipline.

Have you noticed this almost seems like a conundrum? We can help our children to be receptive to the Word of God if we teach them to obey God's Word. There's a head scratcher! Help them to believe the Word by training them to obey it. For obedience to God's commands cultivates tender hearts, while disobedience leads to hardened hearts.

So the first principle is simply to saturate our children with the Word of God. Read it to them, help them memorize it, explain it to them, and most importantly live it out in front of them. (Sounds a lot like Deuteronomy 6 doesn't it?) And notice also that our time with our children in the Scriptures is both the act of planting and at the same time aids in softening their hearts to receive the Word.

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them upon your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up." Deuteronomy 6:5-7

But sowing the seeds and preparing the soil isn't enough. In part 2 I'll examine the importance of watering the seeds we plant.

My crazy kids!



Looking pleased with herself, as usual.

The other morning while I was nursing Calvin, Queen came into my bedroom smelling of Big Red and announcing proudly that she had gum.  I never buy gum so I asked her where she got it.  "On the floor," was her answer.  Oh no.  I started interrogating kids and Twinkle Toes admitted that she had been chewing a piece of Big Red the night before which flew out of her mouth when her dad scared her.  Twinkle Toes claims she couldn't locate the missing wad of gum to throw in the trash.  Her loss evidently became Queen's gain the next morning.  Isn't that lovely?  

And I'm glad Calvin's feeling better, but we really do need to work on his smile.

Reading... for fun??

We have officially been on Christmas break now for 4 days.  I guess old habits die hard.  Either that, or we must actually enjoy reading together.  We have so loved Eloise Jarvis McGraw's books that we've read as part of our Sonlight curriculum including Mara, Daughter of the Nile, The Golden Goblet, Master Cornhill, and Moccasin Trail, that I thought we might enjoy another of her books, The Moorchild.  We started it on our first day off from school and my oldest two children beg me to read it daily.  At this rate we'll finish it before Christmas.  We're also enjoying reading our Advent adventure, Bartholomew's Passage each day.  I can't tell you how much I love that reading-aloud has become a valued tradition in our home.

According to Jim Trelease in The Read-aloud Handbook, not only is reading-aloud a social activity (and television an anti-social one), but reading-aloud also requires more thinking than does watching television.  For instance, listening to a book requires "constructing mental images of the scene described", as well as allowing for time to stop and ponder the story and even ask questions.

Monk has also been reading The Fellowship of the Ring, the first in the Lord of the Rings trilogy, in his spare time.  He realizes now that although movies have great special effects, they are seriously lacking in character development.  And lest you think there are no video games being played around here, I must admit that those are being enjoyed, as well.  For the holidays the kids have a 2 hr plug-in allowance per day.  I even caught some of our family playing Battleship around the fire last night.  How have you been enjoying your break from school?  Reading any books together, just for fun?

The purpose of education

The following is a quote from Our Father Abraham:  Jewish roots of the Christian faith by Marvin R. Wilson.

The primary purpose of education in Bible times was to train the whole person for lifelong, obedient service in the knowledge of God (Prov. 1:7; Eccl. 12:13).  The children of Abraham were to "keep the way of the Lord" (Gen. 18:19), and Torah was given to keep them on that path (Ps 119:105).  The aim of learning was holiness in living- to be set apart unto God in every dimension of life.  This holiness required a knowledge of God's acts in history and a commitment to observe the mitzvot (commandments) which instructed one how to live.  Israel was to acknowledge the Lord's authority in every circumstance and in every turn of the way (Ps. 16:8; Prov. 3:5-6).  Thus the ultimate prophetic vision was that "all the peoples of the earth may know that the Lord is God and that there is no other" (1 Kgs. 8:60).  

I first came across this book in the footnotes of Robin Sampson's Heart of Wisdom.  I've so loved reading Our Father Abraham and gaining a closer look into the Hebrew culture in which the Bible was written.  I think I've dog-eared about a hundred pages and hope to go back and re-read each and every one and give each idea more thought.  Perhaps most readily applicable to my life now is the chapter "A Life of Learning:  The heart of Jewish heritage", from which I pulled the quote above.  Wilson goes on to say that the center of Jewish education was the home.  In fact, so in-grained was the association of father as teacher that even teachers unrelated to the pupil (such as priests) were given the title of "father" and their students referred to as "sons".

A blog friend recently asked what keeps us homeschooling when the going gets tough.  I think the quote above gets at our heart motivation.  Homeschooling is not about SAT scores or college scholarships, but about the passing down of our faith to our children.  That and I really enjoy it!

This is why we homeschool.

Or at least it's one of the main reasons we homeschool.

If this happened more often I probably wouldn't consider it picture-worthy.  But, oh how I love to catch my children in these candid moments!  Then I think all the hard work of homeschooling is worth it!  Maybe my children really do enjoy one another. (And on a side note, Measle couldn't wear tap shoes to school, either : ).

Making it all come out even... or NOT!

Every year I struggle with this dilemma.  We have 6 children, 5 that we're buying gifts for.  They range in age from 11 down to 2.  Somewhere along the line I got the idea that we were supposed to be trying to make their gifts come out even.  What does that mean?  Same number of packages to open?  Same amount of money spent?  I can't seem to make it come out even either way.  I'm so frustrated!

My ideas to make Christmas shopping easy on me this year were 1.) take a trip instead of buying gifts or 2.) give a large collective gift for all the kids to share.  Both of these great ideas got vetoed by either Big D, the children, or both, so I've joined the ranks of Christmas shoppers everywhere trying to find just the right gifts for 5 of my 6 precious children.  (Calvin's only 2 months old so I don't think he'll mind my skipping over him this year.)

We absolutely can't afford to spend as much on our 4 and 2 yr olds as we do on our 3 oldest children.  My goal is to spend approximately the same amount on the 11, 9, and 7 yr olds.  And my goal is for the 2 and 4 yr olds to have at least as many packages to open as their older siblings.  Maybe more.  Does this sound fair?  I was an only child so I'm always at a loss as to how to go about Christmas gift giving.  Inevitably what happens is that I end up buying more and more and more in a futile effort to make it come out even!  (I know what you're thinking, Roan.  That's why you use a Christmas planner, right?  OK, maybe I'll try that next year.)  Any other words of wisdom?  How do you make it "come out even"?  Every year I think we're going to simplify gift giving and every year I end up letting things get out of hand.

Divided

Last year I wrote a series on my blog about the family-integrated church.  A couple of nights ago my husband and I watched the documentary Divided that addresses the issue of whether teens are better off (spiritually speaking) of attending youth group or worshiping with their families.  Big D and I both agreed the movie is well-made and thought-provoking.  It's available through Vision Forum.

The young man who made the movie did so in order to find answers to the question of why young adults are leaving the church in droves never to return.  He interviews Ken Ham, Scott Brown, Voddie Baucham, Doug Phillips, and others.  I already knew what all of them would say, since I've read their books.  More interesting to me were his interviews with former youth pastors who have come to the same conclusion through their experiences.  If you're interested in this issue, I highly recommend viewing this film. 

I must have a pride problem...

... because the Lord keeps humbling me!

It was one of those days again.  And it's only half over.  I think the beginning was when I was bathing Calvin in his little tub on my bathroom counter and he pee-peed in a large arc across the bathroom and got Measle's boots, leggings, shirt, and Bible study, as well as the bathroom floor wet with pee-pee.  I thought it was kind of funny, but Measle did not.  I stopped it with the washcloth, but when I removed the washcloth, he started right up again.  Measle left my bathroom greatly offended and crying buckets on her way to change clothes.

Or maybe it really started before that when Twinkle Toes reported to me that Queen climbed up into her top bunk this morning (no ladder).

However, I managed to get the kids loaded into the car for Bible study, but we were running late and Twinkle Toes couldn't find her CBS notebook.  Then as we're driving down the road, I hear from the back-back of the car, "Mom, Queen has a knife!"  Queen (2) got into the car without her shoes, but she managed to grab a knife and the little container of icing that comes in the Pillsbury cinnamon rolls tube on her way out the door. (Yes, I let my kids eat those awful things occasionally.  Hey, I just had a baby- don't judge.  I need all the help I can get.  I, on the other hand, don't touch them with a ten foot pole.  I eat my Total Raisin Bran every morning, which is why I was able to wear my regular size 4 jeans today.  Hooray!)  Anyway, she was using the knife to scrape around the edges and get the last little bit of icing out of the container and into her mouth.  Once she finished off the icing, she evidently found other uses for the knife, which is why I was hearing screams coming from the back-back as we were driving to Bible study.  One of the older kids managed to disarm her, much to her chagrin.  Then the screams turned to, "I want my KNIFE!"  Not exactly the kind of sentence you expect to hear coming out of a two year old's mouth.  Note to self:  move Queen's carseat up to within my reach again.

Then when we arrived at the church I realized I hadn't brought the diaper bag.  I couldn't believe I was going to be there for two hours and one nursing session, without any diapers!  I guess this isn't the first time I've done this, because even my "spare" was missing from the console in my car.  Poor Calvin!  We made it, though- and without any leaks!

Then on the way home, I stopped off at Braum's to buy some milk.  This is one of those little markets where you can park your car right in front of the store and be in and out in less than five minutes.  So... I gave the kids specific instructions about being quiet and orderly and keeping their hands to themselves and left the big kids in charge.  I could see several of them up out of their seats as I was walking back to the car 2 minutes later with the milk and everyone had a slightly different version of what was happening and whose fault it was.  What's so discouraging is that we've been praying this week that the Lord would give us a greater love for Him and one another.  I calmly, if a bit dejectedly, explained to the kids that trying to get their siblings into trouble so they wouldn't get ice cream (oops- I'm revealing too much of myself in this post!) was not loving them.  Then we talked about what it looks like to "be lovers of selves" rather than loving others.  And then we talked about how if we say we love God, but don't show love to our brothers and sisters in Christ, then we're liars and the truth is not in us.  Is any of this getting through to my children?! 

So, that was my crazy day, thus far.  I did manage to catch Calvin in a bit of a grin, though.  It's not quite a smile, but we're getting close. 

Oh- and I learned yesterday that Calvin's just under 15 lbs and 25 inches.  At not quite 2 months old!  He must be getting enough to eat!  I think I have his good appetite to thank for my rapid weight loss.  That goes a long way to helping me appreciate the middle of the night nursing sessions! 

Thank you Lord for blessing me with such wonderful children.  Help me to be faithful to patiently and lovingly train them up in the gospel, wisdom, and guidance of Your Word!  And thank you for keeping me humble.  Apart from You, there is nothing good in me!  Amen