Infertility as a national curse

A friend of mine wrote a blog post recently in which he talked about the blessings of obedience and curses of disobedience as outlined in Deuteronomy 28.  I added that fertility is listed among the blessings and curses- verses 4, 11, and 18.  If you believe that believing Gentiles have been grafted into Israel (Romans 11), then these blessings and curses still stand- at least as general principles. 

"But it shall come to pass, if you do not obey the voice of the Lord your God, to observe carefully all His commandments and His statutes which I command you today, that all these curses will come upon you and overtake you: ... Cursed shall be the fruit of your body and the produce of your land..."  Deuteronomy 28:15 and 18a. 

I wrote about our food crisis the other day, so today I'll focus on infertility as a curse. 

As a nation, we've chosen...

abortion over adoption

gay rights over the right to life


feminism over femininity


humanism over human life


materialism over motherhood


creature comforts over procreation

Where's the curse, you might ask?  The ironic thing is most Americans don't even see our declining birth rates as a curse. 

Who's going to fund our retirement?  Have you thought about that? 

Who's going to pay for our healthcare in our old age?

Social security is bankrupt.  In theory, it should have worked IF the workforce had continued to increase.  But, it hasn't.  If it weren't for steady rates of immigration, we'd be in serious trouble.

What about the church?  Is it any different than the world? 

The church in our country unfortunately resembles the culture.  It is not holy, or set apart to the Lord, but mainly looks mainstream.  The church endorses birth control, natural family planning, two household incomes, and all the -isms listed above.  Incredibly there are even churches that won't take a stand against abortion.

And as a nation, we are suffering for it, even if we don't know it yet.  We will.

Did you know muslim birth rates worldwide remain high?  Think about that for a minute.  So while Christians are having fewer children, muslims are having more children (same birth rates, lower death rates). 

But be encouraged...

There is an antidote to our sin.  Christ came to bridge the gulf between God's holiness and our sin.  Someday, those who are in Christ will live forever in the Promised Land.  Until then we are destined to live among the curse of sin.  The church, however, should be a glimpse of heaven on earth.  The church should be set apart for the Lord.  Let us be different.  Let us be obedient in the midst of this crooked and perverse generation.

Still Quiverfull?

I hate to admit it, but I'm obviously advancing in age.  This pregnancy more than any other has brought on questions from our family and friends.  Sometimes these questions are couched in emphatic statements, such as:  "Surely you're finished NOW!"  or "This HAS to be the last one!" or "When is enough enough already?"

My doctor is very sweet and doesn't pry into my belief system.  She knows I'll decline prenatal testing since we wouldn't abort our baby regardless.  She knows by now not to expect me to use birth control despite her mandatory speech after each baby.  And she knows I know about the increased risk of genetic problems with my advanced maternal age.

So, is this our last one?  Will this be it?  The answer is, I don't know.  Only the Lord knows that. 

Being quiverfull is new for me, though I'm not a new Christian.  I'm reading the Bible in 90 days for the second time this year, but it's not the first year I've read through God's Word, or the first time I've studied it.  I've spent years in Bible study- Precept, BSF, CBS.  I've read MacArthur, Sproul, Piper, and Bridges for years.  Why do I mention this?  Because during all those years of loving God, reading His Word, and reading books about His Word I wasn't quiverfull.  Have you ever not seen something that was right under your nose the whole time?  That's what it was like. 

Have you ever walked into a room or closet looking for something, only to forget what it is you're looking for once you open the door?  If you're like me, you stand there just looking, hoping it will pop out at you.  Sometimes it does and sometimes it doesn't.  Being quiverfull didn't pop out of the pages of the Bible for me.  I took a different route to becoming quiverfull, but now that I am, it does jump off the pages of God's Word.

I want to share a few references with you that I jotted in the front of my Bible while reading it through this time.  These all have to do with God's view of children as a blessing.  Some of the verses command having children while others show fertility as a blessing or infertility as a curse.  They were there all the time in black and white and I never saw them.  I thought God told Adam and Eve and Noah's sons and daughters-in-law to have children because the earth was barren.  I never considered or even noticed all these other passages.

So, I share them with you in case you're like I was, and have never really thought about it or noticed these verses.

Genesis 1:28- God commands Adam and Eve to be fruitful and multiply, fill the earth and govern it.
Genesis 9:1- God tells Noah and his sons to be fruitful and multiply and to fill the earth.
Genesis 21:6&7- God opens Sara's womb and after having Isaac she says God has brought her laughter.
Genesis 30:22- God opens Rachael's womb and she responds with thanksgiving that God has removed her disgrace.
Genesis 38:8-10- Onan struck dead by God for separating the act of sex from the possibility of conception (spilling his seed.)
Exodus 23:26- Miscarriage and infertility as national curses (in contrast to blessing and protection).
Leviticus 20:20- Childlessness as a curse.
Leviticus 26:9- Fertility and multiplication of people as favor from the Lord.
Leviticus 26:22- Dwindling numbers given as a curse.
Numbers 5:21- Infertility and shriveled womb as a curse from God.
Deuteronomy 6:3-Having many children equated with all going well with the nation (as a result of obedience.)
Deuteronomy 7:13&14- God's giving of many children as a result of His love and blessing (national level).
Deuteronomy 23:1- A man with crushed testicles or his penis cut off was denied access to the assembly of the Lord. (And we think having a vasectomy is a matter of stewardship?)
Deuteronomy 25:12- A woman who grabs the testicles of a man even in order to help her husband in a fight must have her hand cut off in punishment.  (Kind of makes you think God takes this whole seed thing seriously.)
Deuteronomy 30:9- God's gift of many children as a part of His giving success to His people.
2 Samuel 6:23- Michal, David's wife, made childless as a punishment from God for her contempt of David. (Remember just like on occasion God sends sickness as a punishment, it is not the norm.  Usually we see infertility as a curse on the nation, as a result of the nation's disobedience.  This is the one instance I saw childlessness as an individual curse.)
2 Kings 4:16- Gift of a son to the woman of Shunem as a reward for her hospitality.
1 Chronicles 4:27- Having lots of children results in the tribe growing as opposed to not having a large family resulting in a smaller tribe.  (This is in the context of listing the descendants of Judah and it is obvious from the context that having a large tribe is a blessing.)
Psalm 127:3- Children are a gift from God, a reward from Him.
Plsam 128:3- A fruitful wife and vigorous young children seen as blessings from God.
Isaiah 29:23- Many children seen as a blessing (national level).
Jeremiah 31:27- Greatly increasing the population of His people as a future promise of blessing.
Hosea 9:11- Children not being born, growing in the womb, or even being conceived describes the glory of Israel "flying away like a bird" upon being cursed by God for disobedience. 
Malachi 2:15- God says He desires godly children from the marriage union.  This is given as the primary reason in this passage that God hates divorce and being unfaithful to one's spouse.

Quite a list, is it not?  Not comprehensive for sure, but just the ones that jumped out at me as I was reading.  Feel free to add verses in the comments section that I've skipped over.  But, these passages are all from the Old Testament you might argue, the old things have passed away and only the New Testament applies to us, right?  Wrong.

Jesus said that He came not to abolish, but to fulfill all the law and prophets.  In other words, the Old Testament still counts.  Is there a gift of celibacy?  Yes, the Lord has gifted some people with the ability to remain single for His purposes.  But I challenge you to find a verse in Scripture- Old or New- that condones a married couple choosing to not have a child.  God desires married Christians to rear godly children.

So am I still quiverfull despite being in my late 30's?  Am I still quiverfull despite suffering from varicose veins?  Am I still quiverfull on those days that I'm overwhelmed by training the children I already have?  Am I still quiverfull when confronted with the statistics of birthing a "defective" baby?

The answer is a resounding YES.  My confidence does not rest in my ability to take care of all these children- to give them the love and training and home education they deserve.  My confidence does not rest in my husband's ability to provide for them.  My confidence rests in the Lord.  He says having many children is a blessing.  God's blessing seldom looks like what man calls blessing.  God does not condone laziness or self-indulgence, materialism or "me time".  I don't think anyone regards having more children as being easier than having a few children, but God isn't about setting the bar low.  Our standard is holiness and it is only upon striving for His perfect standard that we can fully appreciate His grace and mercy. 

And finally, let me add a caveat about serious health problems and other methods of being quiverfull in heart.

Some (like Rick and Jan Hess) argue that if you're well enough to have sex,  you're well enough to bear children.  I can tell you right now that if multiple doctors told my husband that my getting pregnant could kill me, he wouldn't allow me to get pregnant under any circumstances.  Some men may not feel this way.  My husband does.  He's the leader of our home and that would be the end of our having biological children.  But, the Lord has given us a heart for the orphan and many Christian couples are adding to their families through adoption.  These families are agreeing with God that children are a blessing and are depending on the Lord to meet the needs of their growing families.  I do believe that the declining birth rate in our country and the upcoming resulting decline in the work force of our nation, are a direct curse from God (and a natural result of our lack of respect for marriage and life).  However, I know precious Christian couples who have struggled with infertility and I don't see infertility as a curse on an individual basis as much as on a national scale.  My personal conviction is that God has made certain godly couples infertile so that they will reach out to the orphans of the world that God has compassion on, but most people are blind to.  Children are a blessing, no matter how the Lord adds them to your family!  And in the case of adoption, you also have the privilege of being used as God's instrument of compassion to the fatherless.

Ever heard the expression:  "When you don't know, you don't know that you don't know."?  Ignorance is never an excuse when it comes to God's Word, but more to the point, once you do know something, it becomes a matter of whether you're willing to submit and obey.  Now that I am convinced of the importance God places on godly children within marriage, and convinced that many children are a blessing from God, and even convinced that a separation of the act of sex from the possibilty of conception is condemned by God, I cannot in good faith respond in any other way than by handing over this are of my life to the sovereignty of God.  That doesn't mean I think my responsibility is to be passive and just let whatever happens happen.  My husband and I are not supposed to deprive one another as a rule, but only as an exception to the rule.  Not only that, but there are many orphans in the world, little blessings-in-waiting.  God still calls them blessings- remember children are God's gift to a nation (not just to a family)- even as they sit in orphanages.  Even those children that are never adopted are God's precious blessings and I have so much admiration and respect for the many Christians around the world dedicating their lives to teaching and equipping the orphan.  If you want a fresh burden for the orphan, I suggest you pick up a copy of One Million Arrows and read it.  God will accomplish His purposes with or without us, but isn't the goal of the Christian life to know God and to be used by Him to bring glory to His name?  I think the heart of all believers is to be used by the Lord to accomplish His purposes.  Let's not only be merely willing, but eager to be used by Him.

My Journey to Becoming Quiverfull Part Vb: In Answer to the Argument for Allowing Birth Control for Kingdom Purposes

John Piper’s second argument for the allowance of birth control is a stronger one, in my opinion. He asks couples to look at their hearts and examine their motives for not wanting more children. Selfish, worldly reasons such as children being an expense or too much work are anti-Christian and not acceptable according to Piper. He argues in favor of using birth control only if it is for “Kingdom reasons”. He doesn’t really develop this point, but leaves it to our own consciences. The problem is it’s hard for me to imagine a circumstance in which having another child would interfere with our Kingdom purposes. I’m sure there is one out there, so I’ll concede this point in theory to him, but in reality I’m having trouble putting my finger on what type of circumstance this would be. For instance, one might argue that Christians serving in China should follow the one-child policy there in order to be effective missionaries. But, I know of a wonderful Christian family of 10 that God has used mightily in China over the last 30 years. Some of their kids are now second generation missionaries.

Piper makes this argument from 1 Corinthians 7 where Paul says it would be better to be single like him in order to be free to devote oneself totally to the service of God. Since marriage is declared good by God in Genesis and a wife a gift from God (Proverbs 18:22), Piper uses this 1 Corinthians verse as a kind of “ministry caveat” to the previous declarations. Now just because I can’t think of an instance in which having another child would force one to give up or compromise their Christian ministry, I’m not willing to say that could never be the case. I agree that if there were such a circumstance where a couple knew for certain that having a child or another child at the present time would prevent their being able to serve the Lord, then they should abstain with prayer (again 1 Corinthians 7) during that time. Piper doesn’t suggest abstinence in this case as I did just now, but allows for the practice of birth control under these conditions. I still only see one instance in the Bible where the act of intimacy is enjoyed apart from the possibility of procreation and it turned out badly for both of them (Gen 38).

To get to the heart of the matter, we have to address whether having children can prevent or impede one from serving God? I have certainly heard women say that they can’t serve in the church or elsewhere right now because their children are their ministry. I disagree with this type of thinking, but would argue that it’s a separate issue than that of family planning. Don’t we all know women with just 1 or 2 kids who are too “busy” to serve? I love the example John Piper gives on one of his Battling Unbelief DVDs about one of his members being too busy that day to read his Bible. John asked him if he ate breakfast. The man replied that he had and John said, “Well then you weren’t too busy.” Is it possible for a Christian to be too busy to serve God? I think Piper would say emphatically, “No!” Continuing with this line of thinking, don’t we also know women with many children that still manage to serve God at every opportunity? We had a family in our church last year with 7 kids and their mother was always on the lookout for ways they could serve. She would take her kids to help out the elderly in our church with yard work or whatever needed to be done. She also took a special interest in a couple of the younger women and was faithful to call them and pray for them. I think that developing a heart for service, which all Christians must do if theirs is a genuine faith, is a separate issue from that of having children. Why can’t we just trust God to give us children if it will not interfere with our Christian ministry and to withhold children from us if it will interfere? Why must we presume to know better than God what is best for His servants and His church?

And lastly, Piper takes a stand against abortaficient methods of birth-control, but leaves it to his followers to determine which those are. If you believe life begins at conception then it’s a pretty long list that includes all hormonal methods of contraception and IUDs.

I hope I’ve done justice to John Piper’s stance on birth control. This is not an area that he’s written very much about. I love John Piper and Desiring God Ministries. I love reading his email sermons and I found his study Battling Unbelief to be life changing. If I may end on a note from that study: Success in the Christian walk is all about having faith in future grace. I believe being quiverfull is also about having faith in future grace, faith that God will supply the means to love, nurture, and train up for Him any child that He chooses to bless us with.

Thank you for bearing with me through this series. I'll draw for the winner of the Barnes and Noble $25 gift card tomorrow morning, so stay tuned.

My Journey to Becoming Quiverfull Part Va: In Response to the Stewardship Argument for Family Planning

John Piper of Desiring God Ministries in response to several questions over this issue has allowed for the use of non-abortaficient birth control. Go here to see several questions and answers about family planning on the Desiring God website. After reading his brief responses to the issue of Christians and contraception, it appears Piper makes two arguments in favor of allowing for the use of birth control. His first argument is over the principle of stewardship and that’s the one I’ll address in this post. Piper is in complete agreement that the Bible holds children up as a blessing and reward from God. He goes on to say, though, that just because something is a blessing, doesn’t mean we should always seek it. The exact quote from the Desiring God website is as follows: “Just because something is a gift from the Lord does not mean that it is wrong to be a steward of when or whether you will come into possession of it.” I disagree that the receiver of the gift has much control over when and if he comes into possession of said gift from the Giver, but I’ll attempt to address this argument anyway.

I want to begin by using Christ’s teaching on stewardship. In the parable of the talents (Mathew 25 and Luke 19) Jesus tells the story of a man who entrusts his goods to his servants and upon his return rewards (or condemns) the servants according to how much each made out of what he was given. The whole point of this parable is that stewardship is maximizing what God has given us so that we can turn around and give it back to Him. Has He given us money? What are we doing with it? Has He given us time? What are we doing with it? Has He given us knowledge? What are we doing with it? Has He given us fertility? What are we doing with it? Nobody would say, “No thanks, God, I don’t want to know any more. I’m on information overload. I can’t handle learning another thing from Your Word. I’d rather remain ignorant”. This is not the question. The question is how are you using the knowledge He’s given you? Is it causing you to be more obedient to Him? Are you trying to pass on that knowledge to others by teaching your kids or in your local church? In the same way I would argue it’s what we’re doing with our children that’s the issue here, not how many we have. Are we teaching them about the Lord? Are we doing Scripture memory with them? Are we having family worship? Are we disciplining them in love? It was not the place of the servants in the parable to tell their master how many talents to entrust to them any more than it’s our place to dictate to God how many children He should give us. That part’s up to Him, our part is what we do with them once we’ve got them.

What if I tried to apply Piper’s “stewardship” argument to another kind of blessing that God gives? What about the blessing of agricultural productivity or the fruit of our ministry for that matter? We can plant seeds, but God must give the increase. It would be unthinkable to not desire God to give the greatest increase in these instances, would it not? Do we pray for our missionaries that God would save only a few in their midst or many?

God also uses the terms “barren” and “fruitful” to refer to the state of our spiritual lives. After listing the fruits of the spirit in 2 Peter 1:5-7 Peter says, “For if these things are yours and they abound, you will be neither barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.” We all know what Peter’s talking about here. As we grow in our knowledge of the Lord we should also grow in obedience and holiness which is manifested by how we act. Certainly we wouldn’t desire to show just some fruit of our knowledge of the Lord. Every Christian knows that the goal is to grow as much as possible! We want to bear the most spiritual fruit that we can. Is it so hard to believe that Peter chose these words because his audience already understood that being barren (unable to have children) is a curse, but fruitful (having many children) is a blessing? The same is understood in agriculture, as well. You don’t desire just a few crops to grow here and there, but a bumper crop, as many as will fit. I think the meaning of fruitful is obvious. Full of fruit. The idea here is not just a few, but overflowing with whatever is being described. In other words, wanting just some of a blessing when you decide and if you decide is in direct opposition to the whole concept of fruitfulness.

Piper talks about rewards in Battling Unbelief and how it’s NOT wrong to chase after the right kinds of rewards (in this case heavenly ones). Piper argues in favor of pursuing God’s rewards at the cost of temporary worldly rewards. I don’t know why children wouldn’t fit into this category, as well. A child has a soul that will never die. The old saying “you can’t take it with you when you go” is only true of material things. It’s not true of children. This is why teaching our children about the Lord is so important (Deut 6). Piper endorses large families and says he loves seeing large families in his church. I think his concern is, or should be, that the parents in his church, regardless of family size, are busy teaching their children to love and serve the Lord.

Stewardship is all about the managing of resources. We know that every good gift is from God (James 1), so He is the gift Giver and we are the receivers. I agree wholeheartedly that we are to be good stewards of what the Lord entrusts us with. I do not agree, however, that stewardship has anything to do with when or if we receive the gift. The key to being a good steward is the understanding that nothing is ours, it all belongs to our Master. All of our resources are God’s. Our life is not our own, it is His. Our time, money, abilities, health and physical capacity, understanding, material possessions, relationships, and even our children are His. What are we doing with them? Will our Master be pleased with us? Will He say at the end of our lives, “Well done good and faithful servant? I know that is what we all desire to hear.

My Journey to Becoming Quiverfull Part IV: Back to the Bible

I know some of you have been wondering why I didn’t just get out my Bible at the beginning of this journey. Remember, though, I was already aware of the quiverfull verses. I had just interpreted them to mean something different. For instance, I’ve written in a previous post how I assumed God told Adam and Eve (Gen 1:28) and then Noah and his sons (Gen 9:1) to be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth, because the earth was empty then (and full now, I mistakenly believed). I just thought we were the last frontier here in Texas, but now that I realize the earth is not overpopulated I have to wonder if maybe God didn’t just mean what He said. I could give you statistics about how all the people in the world could line up next to one another and all fit in Texas, but I think it’s fairly obvious if you just take a look around you. We went to Kazakhstan a few years ago to adopt our son and couldn’t believe the wide open spaces we saw out of the airplane. It’s a huge empty country. Even in India and China where the cities are crowded, it’s not that way in the countryside. But, more importantly to me, we are released specifically in the New Testament from the ceremonial and food laws of the Old Testament. Why wouldn’t God specifically release His church from the “be fruitful and multiply” passages, as well? The absence of a repeal makes me think that it’s most likely still God’s plan that His chosen people (now the church) welcome, rather than avoid, having children.

Interpretations of the Onan incident (Gen 38) are all over the map. When I first studied this passage about a decade ago while reading through the Bible, it puzzled me. I was not quiverfull and this was a problematic verse. It appeared that Onan was killed by God for practicing birth control. The concept of Levirate marriage, or a brother marrying his deceased brother’s wife, in order to give his brother an heir, was not a strictly enforced law, but more like an honorable cultural practice. In other words, violating Levirate marriage brought shame to the family, but wasn’t punishable by death. So why did God strike Onan dead? I decided it must have been because the Messiah would come from the line of Judah. So, again I had dodged the quiverfull implications by explaining away a passage of Scripture as an exception, but not the rule. Living in this anti-child culture, though, helps me see the Onan incident in another light. Maybe God struck him dead because he was all too willing to have relations with his deceased brother’s wife, he just wasn’t willing to father her child. His Levirate marriage was on the outside only (surely he desired to avoid bringing shame on himself by refusing to marry his brother’s wife), but God sees what’s done in secret and Onan’s selfish heart caused him to disregard God’s command to be fruitful and multiply. If we interpret the Onan passage in this way then birth control is frowned upon by God, to say the least.

What about natural family planning? Many Christians argue for the allowance of natural family planning by citing 1 Corin 7 where Paul talks about husbands and wives not depriving one another except for a time that they may give themselves to fasting and prayer. I think what is in view here is an interruption of intimacy for spiritual reasons, not physical ones. I’m not going to argue that point, though. It definitely does open up the possibility for NFP. However, the key is they’ve interrupted their relations. I find nowhere in the Bible a passage that condones an intentional separation of the act of procreation from marital intimacy. Of course, God is the one who opens and closes the womb, but His sovereignty doesn’t release us from obedience to His Word.

Then there’s the famous quiverfull passage that refers to children as a blessing and reward (Ps 127:3-5). I think even more compelling than the Bible verses that call children a blessing are the many passages that show the great travail of women in the Bible who are barren (Sarai, Rebekkah, Rachel, Samson’s mother, Hannah, Elizabeth). Barrenness was viewed as a curse and when God opened the womb it was accompanied by great celebration and rejoicing. These personal examples reinforce the Biblical principle that children are to be seen as a blessing. Moreover, if these women are to be our models, children are to be sought after and prayed for.

I also pondered anew when I went back to the Bible what it could mean that women will be saved through childbearing (2 Tim 2:15). I think the most likely interpretation of this verse is that though sin entered through one woman, Eve, women could “redeem” themselves, so to speak, by raising godly children. I think this verse is making a statement about how women can make a difference in their culture for good by bearing children and training them up to love and serve the Lord. I can’t help but see the rampant feminism, homosexuality, fornication, and adultery in our culture as a flood that could very well destroy the world as we know it and childbearing as the “Ark” that God has provided to save us. The door is open, but nobody wants to go in. It seems we’d rather drown ourselves in our iniquity as a culture than seek to be rescued through the raising up of a godly generation.

So, there you have it. My quiverfull journey in a nut-shell. This is a personal conviction for me. It's something I'm passionate about and love sharing, so thank you for "listening". It's not, however, something that is up there with the gospel for me. It's not something I'd leave a church over or pick a fight about. Ultimately, I believe God is sovereign over the womb no matter what we do. I know too many people who have gotten pregnant when they were practicing birth control (I guess this was the problem, they were just practicing:) and too many couples who wanted desperately to have a child but couldn't, to believe the power to procreate resides in man. So please take this as what it is. One person's journey to a change in thinking that has led to a change in lifestyle. Maybe God will bless it and maybe He won't. That's for Him to decide.

I’m going to write one more post in this series in answer to a good question I received from a follower and friend. I welcome any other questions, as well. I’m just trying to get at the truth like all of you and I want to thoroughly think through all relevant issues. Thank you for bearing with me through this series of long posts. I promise I’ll get back to cute pictures and punch lines ASAP.

My Journey to Becoming Quiverfull Part III: Investigating Patriarchy

America Alone was a wake-up call for me. I immediately began searching for corroboration. Maybe this Mark Steyn guy had it all wrong. Ever the academician, I scoured the internet for social commentary and economic articles on demographics or declining birth rates. I was soon introduced to Phillip Longman, Sr. Research Fellow with the Economic Growth Program and Research Director of New America’s Next Social Contract Initiative, through his Foreign Policy article entitled “Why Men Rule” subtitled “And conservatives will inherit the earth.” This latter part was right up my alley. So, Mark Steyn wasn’t alone. I learned of Phillip Longman’s 2004 book The Empty Cradle: How falling birthrates threaten world prosperity and what to do about it. I also found a less academic, but interesting none-the-less article called “Birth Dearth” by Michael Meyer published in Newsweek. It’s subtitled “Remember the population bomb? The new threat to the planet is not too many people, but too few. How the new demography will shape the coming century.” And finally, an article on the return of patriarchy by Al Mohler, president of the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, called “The Return of Patriarchy? Fatherhood and the Future of Civilization.” Now I had a new rabbit to chase down. Patriarchy.

The term patriarchy caused me to immediately conjure up an image of Abraham, Isaacc, and Jacob, the well-known patriarchs of the Bible who fathered the twelve tribes of Israel. I found my initial gut reaction to patriarchy was one of disdain. I envisioned a misogynistic culture rampant with polygamy and abuse towards women. But patriarchy in its purest sense, I learned, is about Biblical male headship. A patriarch in this sense is a man who is the husband of one wife, as opposed to one who refuses to bear the responsibility of marriage or worse one who marries one after another, moving on to greener pastures if and when he pleases. A patriarch is a father who takes responsibility for the provision of his children in every sense of the word: economically, educationally, emotionally. He loves the wife of his youth unconditionally. He never leaves her or forsakes her. He embraces the responsibility of a family, rather than shunning it for his momentary pleasure or creature comforts. He works hard for the ones he loves and doesn’t resent them for it. He leads, yes, but as most good leaders do, he serves the very ones he leads and counts it an honor.

I may not have been raised quiverfull, but this brand of patriarchy was something I understood. My father embodies all these noble qualities of a patriarch and it was something I wanted for my family. My husband and I had decided early in our marriage that I would go back to school and work as a means of supplementing our income. We didn’t need the money or the benefits, but we wanted them. And the truth is I didn’t want him to be my head. I wanted equal headship. So in the process of trying to be free I made myself miserable. I resented him that I worked two full-time jobs, as all working mothers do. But at this point in my journey I began to wonder whether I, we, might be happier if I quit my job and stayed home. True, it would free up an enormous amount of time for me and we would be able to home school our children which appealed to us. I wouldn’t be so stressed and hurried and I could finally be the homemaker I was always dreaming of, but what about the extras that my working gave us? It wasn’t just about money for me, either. I have to confess that it was a blow to my pride to give up an identity outside of my family, and to give up the shared provision for our family and decision-making abilities (read spending) that conferred. Thankfully, my husband had been independently arriving at this same conclusion through his suffering both as the forgotten member of the family whose needs were pushed to the back of the priority list and as the guy who had to moonlight as Mr. Mom whenever I was at work. So we made the decision two years ago that I would be a stay-at-home mom.

I’m not trying to step on any toes here. Remember I was a working mom, too and I know how deeply I loved the Lord and my children. I love them no more now than I did then. Let’s stand back for a moment and look at the big picture. Surely we can all agree as to the benefits of patriarchy as a cultural norm. Imagine if there were no single mothers and no fatherless children. In fact, Biblical patriarchy also extends a man’s responsibility to the dependents of any deceased brothers. So even in instances where a man dies leaving a wife and children, they would be cared for by his surviving brothers. Biblical patriarchy includes the idea that a man cares for his parents, as well. Are you seeing the public policy implications here to everything from social security and health care to welfare and subsidized daycare for single moms? The economic ramifications alone of a cultural abandonment of Biblical patriarchy are staggering and this is just what our nation has done. Now think of the social consequences. Divorce and dysfunctional families become the norm. Many couples choose to delay or forego marriage altogether in favor of remaining free from family entanglements. Children grow up without their fathers in many instances and with unavailable fathers in many more. I soon realized we would be better off as a society to love patriarchy, rather than loving to hate it.

The mental image conjured up by a society held captive by feminism of a caveman hitting a cavewoman over the head with a club and dragging her back to the cave by her hair is a gross misrepresentation of Biblical patriarchy. Of course there have been abuses just like in every area of life. God sets a standard and man breaks it. This is how it’s been since the garden. Just because we’re sinners and don’t live in Utopia is no reason to throw out all ideals. It’s understandable really why the world wants nothing to do with patriarchy. But it’s alarming that the church has also largely replaced patriarchy with feminism. The church is becoming indistinguishable from the world on far too many fronts and this is one of them.

I hadn’t realized how firmly I’d been entrenched in feminism until I initially reacted with repugnance to the concept of patriarchy. I have to confess it took me by surprise when I found security, meaning, and freedom within the tenets of Biblical male headship. You may be wondering at this point what patriarchy has to do with being quiverfull. Under the system of Biblical patriarchy women are freed up to devote themselves fully to their families. The birth rate in our country and the rest of the western world fell when women went into the workforce in mass droves, which in turn was made possible by the pill. See the connection? Both patriarchy and quiverfull ideologies depend upon the embracing of Biblical manhood and womanhood. And this sent me back to the Bible to finish my journey.

What do you think of patriarchy? Do you think women are victims or beneficiaries under this type of system (if practiced properly)?

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My Journey to becoming Quiverfull Part II: Unlikely Beginnings

My journey to becoming quiverfull is an interesting one, and probably not typical, so I thought I’d share it. I grew up in a Christian home where life was valued and the Bible taught. I knew the “be fruitful and multiply” verses were in the Bible and I thought how perfectly logical it was for God to command a few people on a large, unpopulated planet to multiply and fill the earth. I bought into the old agrarian society argument. Everyone knows when you live on a farm, the more hands there are to help out, the better. But, I also believed the zero population growth propaganda taught in public school. About how our planet was overpopulated and couldn’t sustain any more growth without inflicting catastrophic damage on the earth. (Why I never bothered to look out the car window on one of our innumerable road trips or out of the airplane on one of our many flights, I have no idea.) In this way of thinking children are almost lumped in with cigarettes as something enjoyable for the moment, but being that they’re so utterly unwholesome, they’re to be indulged in limited quantities only, if at all.

I approached parenthood like everything else in my life. I had a plan. My husband was the last of four kids and I was an only child, so we decided while we were dating that we would have four children. (Isn’t it funny how you think you can decide something like that?!)

Well, everything was going according to plan until I read the book America Alone by Mark Steyn. The interesting thing is that nowhere in this book is the word “quiverfull” mentioned. Mark Steyn is not, as far as I know, a Christian. He’s a witty writer, political commentator, and radio talk show host. His book America Alone was on the New York Times bestseller list and my parents read it first and then loaned it to me. Mark Steyn’s parents are European (from Belgium, I think) and immigrated to Canada when Mark was young. So he has a vested interest in both Europe and Canada, and speaks with authority on the cultural, economic, and demographic effects of rampant socialism on a nation. (He currently lives in New Hampshire.)

What America Alone did for me is caused me to think beyond myself. It caused me to take a good look beyond my desire for us to travel as a family, or afford college tuition for our kids, or fit comfortably into a restaurant booth or our SUV for that matter. America Alone made me think in a way like that famous JFK quote, “Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country?” I started thinking about how our family affects our local community, state, country, and even planet. It also made me think beyond my time. Without ever using the term “legacy”, this book made me think about my legacy. I had always thought legacies were for the rich, the famous, the brilliant. After reading America Alone, I realized we all leave a legacy. And it left me wondering what mine would be.

Now surely there are many ways to leave a legacy. Teachers have a great amount of influence, as do pastors, writers (especially those in Hollywood), and sports heroes (sometimes regrettably). But the book America Alone is largely about numbers. Steyn talks about falling birth rates in the West and the many ramifications including problems funding retirement and healthcare of an aging population by a smaller workforce, as well as changing cultural identities such as the Islamification of Europe (birth rates remain high among Muslims worldwide).

I’m certainly not famous or brilliant. I am not a pastor or leader of any sort. I’m absolutely not a sports hero. And I teach only my children. But in this one area of birth rates maybe, I thought for the first time, just maybe my husband and I could make a difference.

Think about the Duggars, the now notoriously fecund couple expecting their 19th child. If they succeed in passing on their conservative Christian belief system to their 19 kids (which seems likely when considering the older ones have already embraced it) and their 19 kids also have large families, and so on, imagine the cultural impact of this one couple over the next 50 years. Think of the political consequences alone for a moment. The liberals are the ones who preach choice over children, feminism over femininity, gay rights over the sanctity of the family. Where will all the liberals be in 50 years? They aren’t reproducing themselves, but what of the quiverfull families? Their progeny will vastly outnumber any remnants of the suicidal marriage-, family-, and baby-hating liberals. So their only hope of survival as an ideology is to brainwash the nation’s children through the public school system and Hollywood. Add to this the tendency of quiverfull families to home school, and the liberals have a real problem. (It won’t take them long to realize this and then the days of home schooling will be numbered.)

It was out of this epiphany that the decline in birth rates in the western world is causing a global economic crisis that I began to think that perhaps the “be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it” verses in the Bible may be appropriate for our time after all. I began thinking about what it would be like if the church ignored the culture and abandoned birth control. I began to imagine how different our nation could be in just a couple of generations if Christians welcomed children and trained them up to love and serve the Lord. Now that’s change I can believe in!

We all leave a legacy. What will yours be? What will be our nation’s legacy? What about the church?

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My Journey to becoming Quiverfull Part I: What is Quiverfull?

First of all, for those of you who think I’ve taken up archery, or worse yet that I’m talking about some pathophysiological process that involves bodily tremors, let me define “quiverfull”.

Quiverfull is a fairly recently coined term that is sometimes used as an adjective, as in we are a quiverfull family or we practice quiverfull family planning, and sometimes used as a noun, as in the recent Quiverfull movement. The word is derived from Ps 127:3-5 that talks about how children are a reward, and likening them to arrows in the hand of a warrior declares the man that has his “quiver full” of them to be happy or blessed. The full extent of the meaning and practice of quiverfull, varies almost as widely as the people who refer to themselves as such, but it always carries with it the idea that children are a blessing from God and that the command to be fruitful and multiply (given initially in Genesis 1:28 then again in Genesis 9:1) is never rescinded. Therefore, quiverfull families tend to be larger than average. Some, quite larger.

Quiverfull as an ideology extends beyond just giving up contraception, though. It includes the acceptance, no embracing of God’s Word and His sovereign control over every aspect of our family life. To some this means accepting a closed womb and doing nothing to enhance fertility. To others this means being open to adoption as a means of practicing “true religion”. To some this means trying to have as many children as possible. And to others this means not “trying” to do or not do anything in regards to family planning, but to let God determine the number of children they will have.

Since this is the tale of my journey, I’ll further define what quiverfull is to me. I believe God is absolutely sovereign over every aspect of our lives, whether we choose to “give” Him that control or not. In that sense being quiverfull tends to lend to my husband and me more power than I believe we have in determining the size of our family. I am under no illusion that I can change God’s will. So, quiverfull to me is about obedience to the Word of God in this area of my life. It’s about accepting and embracing the role I play in life for the brief time I’m on the planet. It’s about welcoming children as the blessing God says they are and training them so that they will be like arrows, fiery missives to spread the gospel far beyond where I will ever tread. Arrows, like God’s Word, the Sword of Truth, an offensive weapon used to combat the worldliness of our culture. And as a weapon is to a soldier, my security in the battle that is life. It’s amazing when you think about it this way. What soldier would go into battle without a weapon, or with as few as possible? And which of us would choose NOT to receive a reward from the very hand of God?

The problem is we are no longer in agreement with God about what constitutes a reward. I bet we can all agree that a surprise $1 million inheritance from a distant relative would come as a welcome reward. Well, what if you had to jump through a few hoops to claim it? I know I would bend over backwards to accommodate the giver of this gift. I’d be willing to travel around the world to pick it up if need be, charter a plane or boat, whatever it took. I would put my life on hold to obtain this reward. It would be unthinkable to say to my magnanimous relative that we weren’t interested in the hassle of claiming our million. It doesn’t make sense. No one would be that short-sighted. But it appears we have been. We’ve thumbed our noses at a reward from God (that carries over into eternity) in order to have our momentary conveniences.

Being quiverfull to me means that I agree with God that children are what He says they are: a gift, a reward, a blessing, an inheritance, not what the culture says they are: a drain to society, a pollutant to Mother Earth, an inconvenience.

What is quiverfull to you?


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